On raising a future mob boss, part two

Fiona (seriously, with a hint of venom): next time, when I tell you to get me apple cider, you get me apple cider. And when I ask you to get me orange juice, you get me orange juice. Understand?

On telling it like it is:

Fiona: Uh, Mom, I'm the popular princess...you might want to be the funny one.

On life's cruelest tricks

Fiona (woefully): it's hard to be the big sister...

Me: why is that. Fiona?

Fiona (crying): because I don't even know how to ride a bike!

On the inherent existential crises of the preschool aged:

fiona (lamenting): mom, i just want to be alone. but i'm not alone.

me: sorry to hear that, fi.

fiona (whining): mo-oomm, i want you to help me be alone!!!

On the importance of good hygiene:

me (appalled): regan! did you get yogurt on my couch?

regan (calm): it's okay! i clean it with my hand.

On the hardships of being two:

regan (sadly): mama, after you make lunch, will you play with me?

me: of course, regan!

regan (more sadly): because i don't have any friends.

me (brokenhearted): oh, ray-ray...

regan (committed): or dragons.

On terrible Halloween puns:

Regan: What is your costume going to be, Mama?

Me: Um...I don't know...maybe I'll just go as a mommy, Ray...

Regan: Uh, that's not a good idea. We don't even have the costume for that!