On raising a future mob boss, part two

Fiona (seriously, with a hint of venom): next time, when I tell you to get me apple cider, you get me apple cider. And when I ask you to get me orange juice, you get me orange juice. Understand?

On telling it like it is:

Fiona: Uh, Mom, I'm the popular princess...you might want to be the funny one.

On life's cruelest tricks

Fiona (woefully): it's hard to be the big sister...

Me: why is that. Fiona?

Fiona (crying): because I don't even know how to ride a bike!

On the inherent existential crises of the preschool aged:

fiona (lamenting): mom, i just want to be alone. but i'm not alone.

me: sorry to hear that, fi.

fiona (whining): mo-oomm, i want you to help me be alone!!!

On the importance of good hygiene:

me (appalled): regan! did you get yogurt on my couch?

regan (calm): it's okay! i clean it with my hand.

On the hardships of being two:

regan (sadly): mama, after you make lunch, will you play with me?

me: of course, regan!

regan (more sadly): because i don't have any friends.

me (brokenhearted): oh, ray-ray...

regan (committed): or dragons.

On terrible Halloween puns:

Regan: What is your costume going to be, Mama?

Me: Um...I don't know...maybe I'll just go as a mommy, Ray...

Regan: Uh, that's not a good idea. We don't even have the costume for that!

On the true definition of "literally":

Regan (handing me Alice's Adventures in Wonderland): Can you read me this?

Me (accepting and flipping to find our spot): Sure, let's see, we are on...

Regan (matter-of-factly): Earth.

On raising a future mob boss, part one

Fiona (dumbfounded): mom, why did you give me a granola bar with my breakfast?

Me (exhausted): because I am trying desperately to infuse a little variety into your diet, Fi...

Fiona (with gentle placation): I'm sure that you are.

On the hyperbolic nature of false promises:

regan: mu-um, can you get blocks for us?!?

me: i don't know, ray, yesterday you weren't very nice with the blocks.

regan: mu-uuhhhmm, you don't have to worry. you get blocks; i'll be nice. i super-promise.

Confessions of a Temporary Stay-at-Home Mom

I don't know what I'm doing most days.

I have three children: a four-year-old, a two-year-old, and a three-month-old.

I'm lucky if I remember to brush...well...anything anymore. I am last on the food chain, necessary only to provide food, entertainment, and "education" (academic and social). I. Am. Mom.

This blog will basically function for two purposes:

1. It is a place to put all the ridiculous things my kids say. I use Facebook predominantly for this purpose, but it occurs to me that once the month passes, I lose the ability to actually see most of the conversations we've had. For posterity's sake, I'm looking for a more permanent solution.

2. To chronicle our year together. The things we see. The projects we tackle. The shit we say. All of it. I might not get an opportunity like this again. I want to remember as much of it as possible.

So, there we have it.